Juspera's Good Ole GS4 Page / Humor

Open House

BEWARE THE PLATYPUS!!!

This one may not be packed with humor, but it's worth a look for the old names and gamemaster descriptions. The log is from one of the New Year's open house nights in the early 2000s. I've cut out most of the room descriptions for brevity's sake. If you would like to see them, please email me at gs4page@gmail.com and I will send you the unedited logs.

Nilven says, "Was that "cool?""

You scowl at Nilven.

Nilven raises an eyebrow.

You say, "EVERYone can do that."

Nilven rubs his chin thoughtfully.

You say, "Jharra had a platypus."

Nilven asks, "So?"

You glance at Nilven.

Nilven exclaims, "It's a platypus for Arkati's sake!"

You say, "I have to go look for more GMs."

You give Nilven a quick little smooch.

Nilven says, "Yeah, it's not like it's a super thingamabober jig."

You say, "Yeah."

You wave your hand in a dismissive gesture.

I walk around.

[Jineer's Woods, Clearing Edge]
At the edge of the clearing, a dingy hammock is strung between two trees.  A large stump serving as a makeshift table sits next to it.  On the stump is a book and a glass of iced tea.  
Obvious paths: west

A shaft of scintillating light suddenly jumps out of the sky and strikes the ground next to you.  The beam of light then explodes in a shower of sparks and Nilven is standing in its place.

You shriek!

Nilven fires a small halfling at you!
  AS: +5042 vs DS: +38 with AvD: +25 + d100 roll: +38 = +5067
   ... and hits for 1391 points of damage!
   Incredible shot impales a kidney.  Too painful to even scream.
The buzz of thoughts in your mind subsides.

It seems you have died, my friend.  Although you cannot do anything, you are keenly aware of what is going on around you...

You mentally give a sigh of relief as you remember that the Goddess Lorminstra owes you a favor.

...departing in 10 mins...
The small halfling sticks in Juspera.

You exclaim, "No no no!"

Nilven grins.

You say, "..."

You say, "Okay, you're cool now."

You say, "But if you healed me you'd be even cooler."

You are healed.

You nod.

You dust yourself off.

Nilven says, "Gimme my halfling back."

You are wearing a small halfling, a silver-edged black sword pin, a coiled argent dragon tattoo, a cloak, a frog skin pouch, a platinum-set mistwood ring, a burnished imflass buckler, a tightly woven fishnet satchel, an Argent Aspis pin, a silk-lined imflass mail bodice, a knee-length blue velvet skirt, some light pliant brigandine laced over the open joints in braided suede, a gold ring and a silver-inlaid pale sapphire choker.

You shudder.

You lick the small halfling.
It tastes metallic!

>l half
You see nothing unusual.

You offer your small halfling to Nilven, who has 30 seconds to accept the offer.  Type CANCEL to prematurely cancel the offer.

You say, "It tastes metallic."

Nilven has accepted your offer and is now holding a small halfling.

Nilven asks, "What are you doing killing halflings?"

Nilven raises an eyebrow.

You say, "Well."

Nilven says, "Licking even."

Nilven says, "I don't know why I said killing."

Nilven says, "I have killing on the mind."

You say, "It had blood on it."

You say, "Come on, I have to find Jineer."

Nilven joins your group.

We find Jineer.

[Jineer's Woods, Old Dock]
The forest ends at a clear, still lake, the moonlight reflecting gently on the water.  A dugout canoe bumps against a rickety dock extending out into the water.  The rasping croaks of frogs, hiding along the tree-lined bank, shatter the stillness.  You also see a teeny tiny little red bikini, a large battered sign and a clear lake.
Also here: Jaxia, GameMaster Bradach who is sitting, Perigourd, GameMaster Jineer
Obvious paths: east
Nilven followed.

Jaxia says, "Did too"

You beam!

You bounce around happily.

Bradach says, "Now THAT is lovely."

Jaxia hugs you.

Jineer waves to you.

You say, "Look, I brought a GameMaster."

You point at Nilven.

You hug Jaxia, who wraps you in a warm embrace.

You hug Jineer.

You give Bradach a friendly hug.

Jineer says, "Alive and well again I see"

Jaxia says, "I brought two."

Bradach exclaims, "Nilven!"

Jaxia nods to you.

Perigourd says, "nice catapult"

Nilven says, "Kill a woman with a halfling and you owe her something."

>l jin
You see GameMaster Jineer Whistletoe, a Sylvan ranger as ageless as the forest she inhabits.  Her long, blonde hair has bits of leaves and twigs caught in the braids and her bright blue eyes sparkle with mischief.
She is wearing a large opossum dangling from her belt by its tail, a shimmering glaesine orb, a rough birch-bark quiver, a pair of tall scuffed black boots, a golden falcon talon pendant, a moss covered birch-bark knapsack, a small suede herb pouch attached to a leather thong, some scuffed blood-stained leather hunts, an elegant belt of twined ivy, a stunning cloak of leaves, a somewhat tattered falcon feather earring, a loosely woven bow sling, and a small chipmunk curled up fast asleep on her shoulder.

Bradach says, "Perigourd, show that to Jineer."

You say, "Jineer."

Perigourd shows Jineer his green round button.

You say, "There's a space in your description."

You say, "But, I knew you were spacey already."

Jaxia is apparently wrestling with a clear lake.

Jineer glances at Bradach.

Jineer asks, "You give him that?"

Perigourd begins chuckling at Jineer!

Bradach says, "No ma'am, not me."

Nilven put a small halfling in his heavy backpack.

Nilven cocks his miniature catapult.

Perigourd says, "home grown"

Perigourd nods to Jineer.

Jaxia glances at Nilven.

You see GameMaster Nilven Nalvin.
He appears to be a Dark Elf.
He appears to be wizened with age.  He has brooding black eyes and fair skin.  He has short, dark brown hair.
He is in good shape.
He is holding a miniature catapult in his left hand.
He is wearing a cheat fig leaf, a large sack, some glossy black leather boots, a supple white leather tabard, a shimmering glaesine orb, a gold star, a deep blue leather jerkin, some baggy blue striped trousers, a linen pouch, an engraved fel butterfly amulet, a belt pouch, a heavy backpack, and some flowing robes.

(Perigourd is a wannabe picklesmith)

You say, "Nilven."

Bradach says, "It's too perverse for me."

Nilven says, "You should always be ready."

Nilven nods to Jaxia.

Nilven removes a small halfling from in his heavy backpack.

You say, "Hit Jaxia with the halfling."

Bradach says, "Well, maybe not.  But I didn't do it."

Jaxia says, "I'm too nice to hit with a halfling."

You snort at Jaxia.

Jaxia glances at you.

Nilven says, "I want to hit a halfling. That'd be halfling on halfling violence."

A shaft of scintillating light suddenly jumps out of the sky and strikes the ground next to you.  The beam of light then explodes in a shower of sparks and Ildran is standing in its place.

Jineer says, "Don't you hit any of the wildlife around here with that thing!"

You say, "I'm so cool, all the GMs want to be with me."

You say, "Not THAT way."

You say, "But, you know."

Ildran surveys the area.

>l ildran
You see GameMaster Ildran Thardmoor the Sorcerer.
He appears to be a Human from Talador.
He appears to be in the prime of life and taller than average.  He has sparkling brown eyes and ivory skin.  He has shoulder length, silky amber hair.  He has a classical nose and broad shoulders.
He is in good shape.
He is holding an elegant onyx cane in his right hand.
He is wearing a big bright yellow star with AGM ILDRAN scorched across it, an elegant forest green longcoat, some slightly faded casting leathers, a bag of tricks, a keepsake satchel, some tailored black pants, and some polished black boots.

Ildran says, "Actually, just looking for Nilven"

Nilven says, "Don't make me kill you with a halfling again."

Ildran waves a hand at you, dismissing you indifferently.

Jineer points at Nilven.

Jineer says, "He's here"

You remove a silver pickle from in your imflass mail bodice.

Ildran asks, "Is he really?"

Taking hold of your silver pickle, you pretend to shove it into your ear while secretly transferring it to your other hand.  With a smirk, you open your previously empty hand to display the pickle.
Roundtime: 2 sec.

Bradach says, "Juspera Picklebrain."

Dreamrock licks a teeny tiny little red bikini.

Dreamrock falls over.

Nilven says, "I'm glad that you're the one that has to deal with her most of the year."

Nilven nods to Bradach.

You stare at nothing in particular.

Bradach says, "Well.  I've never seen THAT before."

Jineer says, "You be polite to my guests Bradach, or I won't invite you back"

You say, "No, he wishes."

You say, "I'm hardly ever in the Rest."

You ask, "Bradach, do you have a place?"

Jaxia says, "They don't let me out of Rivers Rest anymore."

You rub Jaxia tenderly.

Bradach says, "I do...but it's not open to the public."

Jineer says, "His maid quit"

You say, "Oooooo."

Jaxia says, "I haven't been there since the last time."

Jineer says, "And no way was I going to help him clean that place"

Bradach says, "I have only two or three rooms the public can enter."

You say, "Oh."

>l brad
You see Bradach Gasur the Djinn.
He has a tanned, cheerful face split with a gap-toothed grin.
His long hair is pulled back and tied with a bit of frayed string.
He is wearing a shimmering glaesine orb, a dark red silken sash, a wide-sleeved djellaba, a lightweight brigand's haversack, a black orc-hide sheath, some light elven slippers, an orc's knucklebone, a loose-fitting deep blue cotton shirt and some dark blue cotton trousers bloused at the bottom.

You ask, "Do you live in a bottle?"

You peer quizzically at Bradach.

Bradach says, "And I was too lazy to...uh, too busy to open them up."

Bradach says, "A bottle...let's not be silly."

Jaxia says, "A lamp."

Nilven says, "Well, you could open the rest, but then you'd just have to kill them all so they never talked."

Nilven says, "I'll lend you a halfling for that purpose if you need it."

Nilven says, "Oh right no killing things."

Ildran begins pouting.

Bradach says, "Rules...."

Bradach shrugs.

Nilven nods to Bradach.

You say, "All right, I'm going to go explore."

I find a star destroyer.

[Star Destroyer, Main Hangar Bay]
This immense hangar bay handles the bulk of ships entering and exiting the ship.  The polished black deck reflects the image of the illumination tubes running along the hanger ceiling.  Set near the hangar bay opening is a deep shaft.  To the south you can see a stairway leading up to the TIE racks near the ceiling.  A turbolift cluster stands ready near the stairway.  You also see a tube leading down to the planet Crossroads.
Obvious exits: north, south, up

>up
[Main Hanger, TIE Rack Walkway]
Black grate catwalks surround each of the TIE's in their storage racks.  A short ladder from the catwalks leads to each ship's top hatch.  The traffic control station sits behind a large transparasteel bubble.  A door leads to the control station.
Obvious exits: down

>cli lad
[TIE Fighter, Cockpit]
Bathed in the red light of illumination bars, the cockpit wraps around the pilot like a cocoon.  Every inch of available space has been filled with various pieces of equipment.  A double-control yoke is set in front of the pilot's seat.  You also see a ladder leading out the hatch.
Also here: Knurl, Pipit who is sitting
Obvious exits: none

Pipit exclaims, "Loops!"

You say, "Ooooh."

Pipit exclaims, "VROOOM!"

(Pipit turns the yoke)

>l yoke
Double control sticks form the yoke.  A small targetting system monitor is set in the yokes' console.

Pipit exclaims, "Spins!"

Pipit exclaims, "VROOOM!"

Pipit pants.

You feel the blood drain from your face.

Too much for me.

[Zyllah's Refuge, Forest]
Dense trees and underbrush fill this lowland vale, allowing little light to filter through.  The forest is alive with the rustling sounds of night creatures.  On the west side of the trail a small hillock rises up and closer inspection reveals a golden light coming from what appears to be a narrow cave entrance.  You also see a forest path and an overgrown trail leading to the Crossroads.
Also here: Perigourd, GameMaster Zyllah
Obvious paths: southeast

You bounce around happily.

Zyllah grins.

Zyllah waves to you.

Perigourd squints at you.

Perigourd says, "stalking me"

Perigourd nods to you.

You say, "But Zyllah is cool."

She appears to be a Sylvankind of the Kytawa D'ahranal.
She appears to be in the prime of life and tall.  She has observant bright violet eyes and fair skin.  She has very long, straight sandy blonde hair worn in a single braid.  She has a narrow face, a classical nose and sharply-curved pointed ears.
She has a blinded left eye.
She is holding a snifter of aged sylvan brandy in her right hand.
She is wearing a rakish crimson-plumed black hat, a sparkling dragonfire ruby earring, a shimmering crimson flamerose, a bold white silk shirt open at the neck with long billowing sleeves, a razern studded leather baldric with a swept hilt rapier slung at the left hip, a crimson satin sash, some fitted black leather breeches, a flamboyant black cape lined in flame red satin with a razern chain clasp at the neck, and some polished knee-high black boots.

Zyllah says, "I was buried earlier."

Zyllah strikes a heroic pose.

Zyllah says, "Yes I am."

You say, "You have no eye."

Zyllah asks, "Want to me to show you the woods?"

Perigourd nods to Zyllah.

You stare at Zyllah.

Perigourd says, "aye if'n ye'd be so kind"

You ask, "A walk in the woods?"

Zyllah says, "We can go hug trees and such."

You say, "No."

[The Crossroads]
The soft white mist that seems to sparkle with a faint glow lazily reaches this far and continues to extend in every direction as far as you can see, and several new portals open up before you, leading to mysterious places.  Which will you approach next?  You also see a large corridor leading back to the main entry.
Also here: Jacinto
Obvious paths: northeast, east, southeast, west, northwest


SEND[Zyllah] Chicken!


Cowed, I return.

[Zyllah's Refuge, Forest]
Dense trees and underbrush fill this lowland vale, allowing little light to filter through.  The forest is alive with the rustling sounds of night creatures.  On the west side of the trail a small hillock rises up and closer inspection reveals a golden light coming from what appears to be a narrow cave entrance.  You also see a forest path and an overgrown trail leading to the Crossroads.
Also here: Perigourd, GameMaster Zyllah
Obvious paths: southeast

You join Zyllah.

Perigourd joins Zyllah's group.

Zyllah laughs!

Zyllah ponders.

GameMaster Zyllah's group wandered down a forest path.
[Zyllah's Refuge, Small Meadow]
The trees fall back and give way to a small forest meadow.  A gentle night breeze ruffles the meadow grasses and wildflowers as bats dart through the air.  A small stream wanders out from among the trees and crosses the meadow.  You also see a forest path and some stepping stones.
Also here: Perigourd, GameMaster Zyllah
Obvious paths: none

You say, "I haven't visited Lothwyn's place, but they say he's not around."

Zyllah says, "He's going to be here later he said."

You give a sigh of devastation.

You ask, "How much later?"

Perigourd says, "i haven't seen anyone's but slekens and jineers"

Zyllah points at the bats.

You say, "I have to go to a party, I have a life, you know."

Zyllah says, "Wish I could say the same thing."

Zyllah says, "Instead, I'm inhabiting test woods."

Zyllah says, "ER text even."

(Juspera rubs Zyllah in a nonspecific location.)

GameMaster Zyllah's group went across some stepping stones.
[Zyllah's Refuge, Willow Glade]
Moonlight streams through the trees into this small glen, where grassy banks line the burbling brook as it drains into a crystal clear pool.  The distant howl of a lone wolf fills the air and a light wind creates a soft accompaniment of rustling leaves.  A giant weeping willow tree grows next to the pool, its branches creating a private bower.  You also see some stepping stones.
Also here: Perigourd, GameMaster Zyllah
Obvious paths: none

Zyllah glances at you.

Perigourd grins at you.

Zyllah says, "I'll show you my "collections"."

GameMaster Zyllah's group went into a cave entrance.
[Zyllah's Bolt-Hole, Den]
Despite the humble entrance, this cave is surprisingly lavish and well appointed.  Grey stone walls are brightened with expensive tapestries and paintings, while colorful Loenthran carpets stretch out over the floor.  An inviting arrangement of large armchairs and settees surrounds a low mahogany table in the center of the room.  Ornate glass lamps cast a warm light and a cheery fire burns in the elaborate river stone hearth.  The only thing out of place is the stack of labeled crates along one wall.   You also see a small opening and an arched monir door.
Also here: Perigourd, GameMaster Zyllah
Obvious exits: out

Perigourd grins.

Perigourd asks, "of stuff you raided...?"

Zyllah indicates the paintings and tapestries.

Perigourd peers quizzically at Zyllah.

Zyllah touches one finger to her lips.

Perigourd says, "umm.. stuff you legally attained then"

Zyllah says, "Yes yes."

Zyllah nods to Perigourd.

Zyllah stands in front of some labeled shipping crates.

GameMaster Zyllah's group went into a small opening.
[Zyllah's Bolt-Hole, Storage]
This small underground chamber has not been decorated and serves only as storage.  More labeled crates line the rough stone walls and an armory of immense proportion fills lockers, racks and stands.  You also see several detailed maps.
Also here: Perigourd, GameMaster Zyllah
Obvious exits: out

Zyllah taps several detailed maps.

You say, "Oooooh."

You say, "You bandit, you."

You say, "One-eyed bandit."

Zyllah points to one X on the map.

Zyllah says, "That's where I lost my eye."

You laugh out loud!

Perigourd chuckles.

You say, "It's okay, it gives you character."

I try to find Jharra.

[Jharra's Pool]
The roots of the dead mistwood tree rise briefly above the ground near a sparkling pool.  Cattails drape their narrow green leaves over the agates that line the pool, and moonlight glimmering off the waters reflects against the pebble-sized rocks.  Lush green water weeds sway in a slow current underwater, and dark brown mammalian forms may be seen swimming blithely beneath the surface.  An onyx bench crafted in the shape of a rearing storm griffin overlooks the peaceful scene.  You also see the spotted Tierus disk, the spotted Pulpit disk, the spotted Turinrond disk and the spotted Jacinto disk.
Also here: Lord Turinrond, Jacinto
Obvious paths: northeast, southeast

Turinrond starts jumping around like a twelve-year-old.

Turinrond leans against a sparkling agate-lined pool.

>l pool
In the depths of the sparkling pool, small platypuses swim purposefully about their business, foraging peaceably for breakfast among the long green water-weeds growing between the agates covering the bottom of the pool.

>l in pool
In the agate-lined pool you see a small grey platypus, a grey baby platypus and a small brown platypus.

You snicker.

>ne
[Jharra's Menagerie]
Filigreed imflass poles and delicate spidersilk stands separate the courtyard here into hundreds of separate exhibits.  Behind each fragile barrier, a different creature prances, prowls, hops about, or merely snoozes.  The number of species represented here would shame the best zoo in mortal Elanthia.  Leafless mistwood branches forking dozens of feet overhead cast amorphous shadows over the dandelion-speckled grass.  You also see an elegant pale blue silk sign, a crested basilisk, a great stag, a ridgeback boar, a moor hound, a cave worm, a panther, a striped gak, a monkey, a roa'ter, a cave bear, a giant albino tomb spider, a caribou, a giant viper, a mountain snowcat, an undertaker bat, a fire ant, a moor eagle, a colossus vulture, a crocodile, a mountain lion and a sabre-tooth tiger.
Also here: Jacinto, Tierus, GameMaster Jharra
Obvious paths: southeast, southwest

Jharra quietly slips away.

You lean over and lick Tierus's cheek sloppily!

Jacinto says, "I bet they're trouble."

Jacinto drops all defense as he moves into a battle-ready posture.

Lord Turinrond just arrived.

Turinrond says, "whoa"

(Tierus pushes Juspera toward the mountain lion's pen.)

It reads:
None of the monsters penned here will bite.

   BEWARE THE PLATYPUS!!!


Turinrond says, "Was going to mstrike."

Turinrond throws back his head and roars with laughter!

The mountain lion growls warningly.

Turinrond says, "I don't know how any more."

Turinrond stares off into space.

You ask, "Where is the kitchen?"

Jacinto says, "Tapestry"

Jacinto says, "Off the ballroom"

You ask, "Where is the ballroom?"

You exclaim, "Where is the house?!"

Jacinto says, "It's a tree."

[I go through about 50 other rooms.]

[Jharra's Hall]
Xylem Hall rests within the hollow heart of a dead mistwood tree of truly legendary size.  A wide emerald tapestry rug covers the floor, but the walls are only ornamented with the natural beauty of the wood's silver-streaked grain.  A thousand tiny fissures carved into the upper walls of the chamber allow moonlight to enter, but miniscule crystal panels protect the interior from the elements.  A graceful mistwood stairway in the northern wall ascends and descends in a smooth spiral.
Obvious exits: up, down, out

A giant red duck-billed platypus just arrived.

[I return.]

[Jharra's Orchard]
Fist-sized polished stones nestle among the lush vegetation in this part of the courtyard.  Each stone has been engraved with the image of a flower: the blossoms of peaches, apples, cherries, oranges, pears, plums, and countless other fruit trees have been represented here.  The stones are carefully spaced and grouped by their images in the fashion of the trees in an elven farmer's orchard.  There are no living trees, however, save the tree trunks stretching up through the eastern briared wall.  You also see the spotted Turinrond disk, the spotted Jacinto disk and a giant red duck-billed platypus.
Also here: Lord Turinrond, Jacinto who is kneeling, Tierus who is lying down
Obvious paths: southwest, northwest

Tierus makes a *RIBBIT* noise.

Jacinto makes a *RIBBIT* noise.

(Juspera pets Tierus condescendingly.)

(Jacinto leans against Juspera.)

Turinrond begins to twitch.

Turinrond makes a *RIBBIT* noise.

(Tierus glances up at Juspera, an air of acceptance in his eyes.)

Turinrond makes a *RIBBIT* noise.

(Jacinto bats his froggy eyes appealingly.)

You ask, "Did Jharra do this, or was it the platypus?"

Tierus points at a giant red duck-billed platypus.

Turinrond hisses at a giant red duck-billed platypus.

You gaze up into the heavens.

Jacinto makes a *RIBBIT* noise.

[I find Angelrise and Aramana and return with them.]

[Jharra's Orchard]
Fist-sized polished stones nestle among the lush vegetation in this part of the courtyard.  Each stone has been engraved with the image of a flower: the blossoms of peaches, apples, cherries, oranges, pears, plums, and countless other fruit trees have been represented here.  The stones are carefully spaced and grouped by their images in the fashion of the trees in an elven farmer's orchard.  There are no living trees, however, save the tree trunks stretching up through the eastern briared wall.  You also see the spotted Turinrond disk and the spotted Jacinto disk.
Also here: Lord Turinrond, Jacinto, Tierus who is lying down
Obvious paths: southwest, northwest
Aramana followed.

You point at Tierus.

Jacinto exclaims, "Darn Platypus!"

Jharra just kissed Tierus.
Tierus returns to his Dark Elf form.

Turinrond bats his eyelashes for attention.

Lady Angelrise just arrived.

Tierus stands up.

Tierus stares off into space.

Angelrise flails her arms about.

You say, "Oh, damn."

You say, "He's an elf again."

Tierus exclaims, "Goin' tae kill tha' platypus!"

Jacinto exclaims, "You didn't kiss me!"

You say, "No, I have to go."

Angelrise says, "We were gonna find the ballroom again."

You wave.

[The Crossroads]
Your skin tingles as you step into a soft white mist that seems to sparkle with a faint glow.  The mist extends in every direction as far as you can see, and there are several portals close at hand leading to mysterious places.  Do you dare venture further?  You take a deep breath as you carefully consider your choices.  You also see a large corridor leading off through the mist to exotic places, a LARGE sign and a small arch leading to the Crossroads Lounge.
Also here: Lord Shonison, Bracan, Lauralinn, Dreamrock
Obvious exits: out

Rekarth fades into view...  Spooky!

You laugh out loud!

You hear the voice of Rekarth say, "Curious."

Leandro fades into view...  Spooky!

You say, "Come out, come out."

Thoroch fades into view...  Spooky!

Pookisa fades away into nothingness...  Creepy!

You tap your foot impatiently.

You exclaim, "Come out!"

How can they be so mean to you?!

Rekarth suddenly fades into view.

Rekarth surveys the area.

>lick rek
You stick your tongue out at Rekarth, bringing it back in at his lack of interest.

Rekarth shifts his eyes to you.

You smack your lips.

You say, "I have to go."

You say, "If you see Lothwyn or Voraviel, tell them I'm going to kick their asses."

You wave.

Rekarth says, "Very well."

Rekarth nods to you.

You say, "You're a prince."

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