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Draezir Sues Simutronics

ST. LOUIS--Draezir Moltoniron, High Priest of Sheru, has sued Simutronics Corp. of St. Louis for breach of contract, loss of revenue, and a count of pain and suffering with damages totalling 2.6 billion silvers.

"Simutronics' actions toward me have been utterly reprehensible and nothing short of unlawful," said Draezir, speaking from his office Monday. "Their actions show a complete disregard for the law, for business integrity and especially for their own customers. It's obvious all they care about is making money."

This is the seventy-second lawsuit brought against Simutronics Corp. this decade, but the suit remains unique in that it's the only one so far to be willingly publicized by the plaintiff. "I want everyone to know what they did to me," explained Draezir. "If I get some flak for that, so be it. I have to stand up for what's right."

We spoke with Fred Higgins, head of Simutronics public relations. "Mr. Moltoniron is upset and wants someone to blame, and we understand that. He had some very bad luck, but it's just that: bad luck. In no way is Simutronics at fault. There was no breach of contract."

Draezir sent out a press release last Friday claiming that he had signed a contract with Simutronics allowing him control of the town of Solhaven in the Turamzzyrian Empire, in return for 1 billion silvers and his likeness rights in the upcoming movie. However, says the press release, Simutronics backed out of the deal shortly after he took control of the town, "abandoning him" and "standing by idly" as Solhaven was returned to its original controllers.

The 2.6 billion silvers Draezir is claiming in damages includes the original 1 billion spent to seal the contract, the price of the troops and provisions needed to gain the town, the cost of a "damaged reputation and possible demotion" in the Sheruvian Order, and lastly the cost of pain and suffering over the incident, which Draezir says is "impossible to really put a price on."

Higgins explains Simutronics' side of the issue. "We absolutely signed a contract with Mr. Moltoniron promising him control of the town. If Mr. Moltoniron believed the contract entitled him to permanent control of said town, I don't know what to say. What exactly the contract promised was very clear. While we'd like to go over every word with our clients and make sure there are no misunderstandings, that isn't always possible. The final burden for understanding rests with the client."

Through his secretary, Draezir today said that he was considering further lawsuits against a certain Ulstram and Kendryth for plotting with Simutronics in the breach of contract.

"I feel so used," said Draezir, before finally shooing the press from his office. "This whole situation with Simutronics is ruining my life. It's been a complete nightmare."

 Third Griffin Sword Piece Found!
TA'VAALOR--This weekend, while the rest of the world slept, local warrior Ruckle Fastbit stepped out of the background and into legend when he found the third piece of the Griffin Sword. "I was looking in the VC and there it was, hidden on the bench," Fastbit shared in an excited whisper. "A blue sapphire like you get on critters, but it wasn't ON a critter... no one else is smart enough to look on top of things in rooms, so who knows how long it's been there? Probably since the start of the quest." Fastbit expressed that he hadn't yet told anyone of his discovery. "I'm waiting for the NPCs to come. I'm going to play them against each other and get all the alterations I can before I sell this thing to the gemshop."

Corpse Completely Desanguinated
SOLHAVEN--Meegoth Neegoth, a Halfling warrior of Solhaven, was completely desanguinated yesterday due to several wounds taken in battle. "Wow," offered Neegoth in a ghostly voice. "I'm at -4055 blood. -4067 now actually." When told no one wanted to hear about it, Neegoth replied, "OK. I know it's OOC but I just had to tell someone. Wow, -5001!"

Cleric Gripped by Addiction
WEHNIMER'S LANDING--Half-Elven cleric Sooshi Malarbak has an addiction. It came on her slowly at first, but became more and more sinister as time passed, until her energy and her bank account were drained by her constant need. Sooshi Malarbak is addicted to deeds. "At first I would get nervous if I didn't have over fifteen of them. But then it was twenty, then thirty, then forty. Now if I have below 150 I can't sleep at night." Malarbak broke out in a cold sweat. "I need to get 200. If I only get 200, I'll be fine. I can stop there."

Ranger Murdered
TA'ILLISTIM--Local ranger Ganvel Torris was forced to report unwanted PvP last night when he was killed suddenly and for no discernable reason. Says Torris: "I was resting from my hunt and thinking on the net, I wasn't really paying attention and all of a sudden I'm dead." Torris paused in the interview to kill the glacial morph in front of him, then continued. "After I was raised they told me it was some guy named Harith so I reported him. I hope his moron ass gets locked out."

Zelian Empath Convention in River's Rest

Merchant Not As Good As Other Merchant
Lake of Fear Ferry Fined for Loitering
Ronan Rox0rz
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