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ST. LOUIS--Simutronics announced the launch of a new release-packed season this Thursday, tentatively titled "Unseasonably Warm Fall Nights," and meant to capitalize on the success of the extraordinarily popular Hot Summer Nights project (HSN to devotees).

Hot Summer Nights was the official name of the GemStone III release schedule for Summer 2002. Many long-awaited new implementations, from cultural titles to physical features to enchanting, were put in place over the past few months. Each and every weekend involved several of these releases as well as a party in one of Elanthia's various towns, and each was met with cheers of surprise and delight from the playing populace.

"The enormous success of HSN has resulted in a commitment to bringing you these same sort of action-packed galas every weekend of the year," posted SGM Brauden in the new UWFN folder of the GemStone III message boards. "We know just how much you players loved having something new to look forward to every Thursday, and thanks to your input, we've decided we're going to continue it indefinitely."

His statement was met with wild virtual applause, though a handful of players questioned the staff's ability to keep up the standard of excellence.

"Logically, I'm not sure how they're going to do it," posted OBSESSION on the GemStone III message boards. "I believe they worked on HSN for a long time in advance, and frankly, I don't see how they can come up with that much new stuff again without the time off to plan." Poster TSORAN agreed. "HSN was great, but there's no way the Unseasonably Warm releases can live up to that standard."

We caught up with GM Altiron chain-smoking his way through a case of vanilla cigars behind the staff lounge. He waved us away, insisting that all upcoming UWFN releases were top secret. However, when pressed, he let slip that while he was assigned the job of coding in an engagement system, at the moment he was considering an alternate feature release involving an across-the-board reduction of prices in the Sylvarraend clothing shop.

Eager for more, we found GM Mikos hard at work on a keg of Dwarven ale. After an hour or so of encouragement directed at the hardworking GM, we discovered he was slated to write descriptions for the approximately 220 rooms involved in the new path from Solhaven to River's Rest. He admitted that the path might not be ready in the first week or even the second week of UWFN, but that he had a couple of "stellar" releases ready for the weekends leading up to it, including a fix for that problem where typing "get ruby" will give you the regular ruby in your cloak instead of the star ruby on the ground.

The buzz over UWFN is palpable. As of press time, Brauden -- claiming QC delays -- had not yet posted to the GS website the list of expected Fall improvements, but an unveiling of the blessed schedule is expected to occur "real soon now."

Alteration Goes Unappreciated
RIVER'S REST--A brand new alteration went unappreciated last week, as ranger Ghiara Lastaway removed the gift of some kitten-stitched leather gloves as soon as the giver left the room. The gloves (which Millovan Milln had stitched especially for Lastaway on making his first alterer's list) bore playful thread-of-gold kittens romping in the noonday sun. "I thought that was perfect for her, since she has a kitten tattoo on her ankle," said Milln. The gloves were delivered with the comment that Milln "really liked, and thought about [Lastaway] a lot," and were accepted with a blush and a kiss on the cheek. But Lastaway peeled off the gloves as soon as Milln departed, saying "It's not really something I'd wear." Before stowing them in her locker, Lastaway wondered aloud how much the alteration would bring on the boards.

Elf Constantly Sarcastic
WEHNIMER'S LANDING--Elf Brionah Whiteleaf has been irritating friends and strangers lately with her new, and constant, sarcastic tone. Reportedly, the roguette picked up the tone somewhere around August 23rd "for no good reason" and has not spoken without her sneering, nasally twang since. Responding, Whiteleaf sarcastically said, "I'm actually glad you noticed." She continued sarcastically, "I was pretty excited to finally be able to show it," sarcastically adding that "I've always been sarcastic." In conclusion, she noted sarcastically, "If you think about it, things are no different from before."

Warrior Struggles to Fill Friend List
TA'VAALOR--Warrior Nellus Wrathbane reports that it was a "major struggle" to fill up his list of 10 allowed friends. "I put [girlfriend] Kellayna and [friend] Poolou on right away, but it took a few days to get the next five." Wrathbane says he was finally inspired to put on the names of the four other warriors he's trying to form a militia with, as well as that of a healer who transferred a hand wound he received hunting kobolds. "But to fill up the rest of the list, I eventually had to pick three random people from the VC," he says. "It totally sucked when they did the reset though. I had to find three more random people." However, Wrathbane happily states that he now "has a full ten friends."

Cholgar's Now Only Used for Cheap Sex