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WASHINGTON, DC--Attorney General John Ashcroft met with the press today to announce the rebirth of Operation TIPS (Terrorism Information and Prevention System), the program designed to allow citizens an easy means to report suspicious or unusual behavior encountered in their everyday activities.

The program, axed last year when the Homeland Security Act was finally passed, is being resurrected to deal with the growing threat posed by the Dark Alliance. Ashcroft was adamant when he spoke this afternoon in a televised press conference.

"Though the opposition forces achieved a great victory with Harith, the fact remains that the Dark Alliance still has two pieces of the Griffin Sword, and our intelligence indicates that they mean to use them. We must be vigilant."

Under the new TIPS, a toll-free government number has been set up to which participants may anonymously phone in suspicious activity any hour of the day.

President Bush offered his comments in a statement released at the same time. "The Dark Alliance is evil, made up of evil people. They want nothing more than to destroy our American way of life. Especially Luukos. His reign of terror has gone on far too long. It's time for the forces of Liabo to join together and bring an end to this. If you're not with us, you're against us."

Before departing, Ashcroft briefly reminded the audience of the threat they faced. "The Dark Alliance is made up of Luukos, Sheru, V'Tull and Mularos. Their followers and supporters reside not just on Lornon, but have infiltrated our daily lives, right down to your next-door neighbor, or the person you pass on the street. If we're going to prevent terrorism it has to start at home, with each and every one of you."

He cautioned citizens to be on the lookout for any kind of suspicious or unusual activity. When pressed to be more specific, Ashcroft mused, "Anything that seems to link a person to the Dark Alliance... any kind of strange symbols or ritual candles, refusing to pray out loud could be suspicious... going out at night, and not telling anyone where, any kind of strange marks on the body... visiting websites about the Dark Alliance, porn or pipe bombs... any kind of suspicious change in behavior, including drug use, increased sexual activity, necromancy, cannibalism, orgies, kidnapping and torture or any kind of blood sacrifice involving goats or babies should probably be reported."

The American Civil Liberties Union is already up in arms over the reinstatement of TIPS. "This is just another kind of witchhunt, and already George W. Bush's government is trying to justify it with overuse of the word 'evil' and unsupported generalizations about the conditions inside the Dark Alliance," read a statement released at the end of the day. "Not only is 'evil' clearly a term used by Bush for no other reason than to arouse moral righteousness in the populace, but U.N. inspectors have yet to confirm that the Sheruvian faction even has a piece of the sword, let alone that the Alliance intends to use them to harm the United States or any other nation.

"If anything, the increased hostility and hysteria rising from the highest levels of government only serves the Alliance. We feel John Ashcroft ought to have a talk with Ulstram before this goes any further."

Sorcerer Too Scary for Dhe'nar
WEHNIMER'S LANDING--Local Dark Elven sorceror Mhaegol Blastwrath's application for apprenticeship to the Obsidian Tower was denied this week, on the excuse that he was "just too scary" for the Dhe'nar. Starsnuffer Sunslayer explained. "Normally, we like to see Dhe'nar who are 'just scary enough,' but Mhaegol exceeds the upper scariness limit in black rune-encrusted clothing, dark tones, smirking, waving his hand dismissively, and shifting those piercing steel-grey eyes from one person to another." He continued in a lower voice, "Frankly, I'm a little afraid of him myself."

Vaaloran Vigilance Pays Off
TA'VAALOR--The Vaaloran Guard's effort to keep the fortress clean of Dark Alliance supporters has been paying off. Figures from last Restday record thirty-six instances of Alliance supporters given stern warnings and sent by mage transport to Ta'Illistim on that day alone. A breakdown of the figures indicates three Dark Alliance followers were removed; one, eleven, and twenty-four times each. When asked about the fantastic totals, Vaaloran Officer Ponter offered only his middle finger in response.

Decaying Sucks, Studies Show
WEHNIMER'S LANDING--Studies undertaken over the past seven and a half years by the Adventurers' Guild of Elanthia have come to the conclusion that decaying sucks, a spokesperson said yesterday. "Whether in town or in the wilds, whether through the natural process of hunting or through disconnects, whether nobody locates or whether the same script-hunter walks by five times as you lie there, decaying sucks ass," he announced. "Now that we're done with this study, we're going to be embarking on a deep look into the desirability of going demonic. We hope to have the results ready in eight to ten years."

Empress Cacked, Crowd Cheers