the TURNIP November 2019 | Back to Juspera's Good Ole GS4 Page

Top Story

In Brief

Other News

ST. LOUIS--It was announced this Monday that the long-running MUD GemStone IV would finally be making the move from black-and-white text to color digital video. In a boisterous press conference accompanied by life-sized sushi boats and the surviving members of the now-defunct St. Louis Cardinals Cheerleaders, GM Wyrom hailed the transition to what Simuctronics is calling WizardVision. "We're very excited to be able to make this announcement," he said. "Soon, our players will be able to experience the world of Elanthia in real, living color, as well as sound."

Simutronics' latest feat was achieved by employing an army of scripters to canvass Elanthia with Canon XA20 "run-and-gun" HD camcorders, streaming the feeds to each player's screen. Early feedback by beta testers revealed a number of surprises. While the world of Elanthia has been open to exploration for over thirty years, never before have players been able to know exactly how it looks.

In beta testing, reactions were mixed. Among expressions of admiration for the rich emerald hues of the Ta'Illistim Green or the deep blood-red shades of Darkstone Bay, there were a few who voiced surprise or disappointment.

"I'm not happy," said the player of empath Hephzibahh Makkelmor. "I understand that we have wounds and scars, but does my character have to look so gross? I'd rather go back to text so she can be pretty again."

"I guess my problem with it is that I can't even see my gems now," said the player of sorceress Mordibabscula Kline. "They're like a millimeter in size now? Where before they were almost as big as my hand. I mean, in my head they were."

"The big surprise for me is that Moot Hall is actually avocado green," said the player of ranger Lavia Leaf'Blower. "All these years, I just thought it was... I don't know, what's not a color? Clear?"

A player who wished to remain anonymous chimed in. "Obviously I never knew this, but the sound that Minor Acid makes is exactly like the sound of my roommate eating cereal. I might have to stop using that spell."

"After I got into the beta test, I made my girlfriend buy a backpack," said the player of wizard Elithimius Rivenraven. "It actually looks really stupid to carry a hundred pounds of stuff in your cloak pockets." When asked whether he himself had bought a backpack, Rivenraven replied, "Well, I don't have to look at me, so no."

Another player, also anonymous, added that his favorite part of the game was now being dead in TSC.

GM Wyrom greeted players' concerns with equanimity, reminding them that beta testing was ongoing and that there is still time to change your character's clothing, descriptions, and behavior before WizardVision goes live. He was optimistic about the shift and said he regretted only that there was no way to allow players to experience the smells of Elanthia as well.

Paladin Assaulted
ICEMULE TRACE--Local paladin Peblitt Idlesquire was assaulted yesterday in the Nightowl Pub. "I met this guy in TC, and he seemed cool, so when he said we should get a drink sometime I said sure," the halfling told our reporters. "But as soon as we got to the pub, he started in with his whole backstory, from his being born the shameful product of a mixed-race marriage, to his childhood in a shimmer trinket factory, to his kidnapping by a Cholenite cult, to losing his wife and daughter to a horde of ravaging grimswarm." Idlesquire tried to escape his assailant, but couldn't. "I was overwhelmed. I kept waiting for a pause, or for him to ask me something about myself, but he never did. The onslaught just went on and on." Only when the bartender interrupted to ask if they needed anything was Idlesquire able to bolt. "I'm trying to forget the experience and move on, but I'm pretty traumatized. I can't believe someone could do that to another person." He says he is currently seeking treatment for depression and anxiety.

Capped Bards Granted Option to Become Arkati

Dear Mamma Maylan

Dear Mamma Maylan,

I'm having a great deal of trouble being a proper evil sorceress. I just don't seem to have the knack that others do for appearing powerful, intimidating, or chillingly charming. Instead, I'm mouse-quiet, unnoticeable, and absolutely terrible at talking to...well, everyone. How do I break past the barrier of shyness and make some friends who ALSO want to join the forces of Lornon on a hellish crusade?

--The Invisible Mouse

Dear Invisible Mouse,

Lylia, I know it's you. It's okay. You don't have to be afraid anymore. Maylan will protect you. Anyhoo.....what you want to do is get yourself a really wicked looking palanquin and force your political opponents to carry you around on it. Also try wearing a really big hat. Hats are scary, and they make you look taller. And finally, you could always burn down Moot Hall. That will scare folks good and proper. You know, it's really not a bad idea....

Dear Mamma Maylan,

Hoping you can help. I met the best ghoul of a gal at the Ebon Gate festival. Long blonde hair, watery eyes. Real winner. Sadly, we live thousands of miles apart - and I cannot escape Caligos for a visit. Can you help us navigate the difficult waters of a long-distance relationship?

--Yours in Wraith, Eely Dahn

Dear Eely Dahn,

Okay. You're going to need some sticks, twine, a pillow, and some paint. What you want to do is take the sticks and stuff them into a nice big fluffy pillow. Now your pillow friend has arms and legs. Then you take the paint and you paint yourself that purdy little ghoul face right on the pillow. If you want you can even dress her up nice and fancy like with some burlap and some straw hair. Anyhoo....mister, you go to town on that pillow. You just go ahead and give that pillow all the lovin you have to give. You're welcome.

--Mamma Maylan.

Would you like to appear in Dear Mamma Maylan? Send your questions to gs4page@gmail.com.