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ST. LOUIS--In their never-ending quest to improve the GemStone IV player experience, Simutronics staff is tackling the next area in need of an overhaul: character races that get no love. We caught up with GM Wyrom to talk about the latest developments.

"When Erithians were first created, we thought players would be drawn to the majesty and mystique of this enigmatic, eastern-themed race," he told us. "However, a decade and a half later, hardly anyone plays them. We've realized that we made some mistakes in developing the race -- lore mistakes, geographic mistakes, follicular mistakes -- and it's time to correct them." The GameMaster spoke to us at length about the changes ahead. "As we brainstormed what would have the greatest appeal to players, we kept coming back to the idea of 'Badassedness.' What makes a race badass? In preparing to badasserate Erithians, we looked at anything and everything players seemed to be drawn to in the game, and tried to put it together in one package. Unsurprisingly, perhaps, we've chosen to rename the race 'Darkrithians.'"

The race will, in fact, be dark, and complexion choices in the character manager will be constrained to shades of jet, ebon, onyx, black, pitch black, coal black, raven black, midnight black, nightmare black, hellfire black, oblivion black, and existential black. Darkrithians are, said Wyrom, "universally tall; the males are well-muscled, and the females are simultaneously busty and willowy. Of course, they will have abundant, long, flowing hair. Additionally, they will be able to speak three languages that no other race can speak, and will be allowed to say the word 'fuck' or its derivatives once a day." The one thing the re-imagined race will be keeping? Katanas.

When it comes to mechanics, "It's become clear that players value the ability to kill things quickly much more highly than defense, often to an extreme degree, so with this in mind we've given Darkrithians a +20 bonus to strength along with a -20 to both agility and dexterity to balance it out. We've added support in the lore for this, with the reasoning that Darkrithians are simply too secure in their own martial prowess to bother moving out of the way. We're confident that this will be a tradeoff players will be willing to make."

Where in Elanthia do Darkrithians come from? "Recognizing that races living in desert wastes are by far the baddassiest in any game, we knew we wanted to make them a product of harsh, unforgiving Rhoska-Tor," said Wyrom. "I don't want to drop too many hints, but start getting excited for a storyline in which we see Darkrithians emerge from a time portal in Rhoska-Tor to engage the Faendryl and Dhe'nar in a three-way battle over who is the baddest, darkest humanoid in the South. Is that not totally dope?" Of course, he confided, the Darkrithians will triumph to rule both Sharath and New Ta'Faendryl; as a consolation prize, the Faendryl and Dhe'nar will be granted Zul Logoth, since "only one player appears to be using it at this time."

Wyrom said he expects the revamped race to be widely adopted upon release, with an estimated 80% of players rolling up a new Darkrithian character within the first month. "And after that, it'll be on to fix up some of the other underperforming races. I'm looking at you, Forest Gnomes."

Dude Dies
SOLHAVEN--A dude has died, according to hunting partners Niimo Wraithly and Mykall MicDuggins. The two were hunting shan recently when they passed victim Shomo Elterberry, still alive and bravely taking to battle with a shan ranger, before continuing on. Moments later, a disturbance in the essense was felt as Shomo met his end.

"Dude died," said Wraithly.

"Yea," said McDuggins.

The partners reported that they continued hunting, seeking a crucially important opal-inset platinum tiara. When, fifteen minutes later, they passed the spot where they had last seen Elterberry, he was nowhere to be found. "O well," confided McDuggins to our reporter. "Peeps these days don't have any patience."

7x the New 6x

Dear Mamma Maylan

Dear Mamma Maylan,

I truly hope you can help me as I am not sure what to do. I have come into some wonderful land up in the northern portion of Elanith, right on the coast near a river and overlooking a bay. It seemed just the right spot to build a cottage that I could retire to. Yet every time I try to build my home it ends in disaster. It has been destroyed by rampaging creatures, fire, floodwaters, and ravaging krolvin, taken over by hooligans and later destroyed by enemies of said hooligans, and now some uppity mayor wants to rezone the area for a flax farm while the entire area is infected with horrible plague. I am simply at a loss at what to do to stop this endless madness so I can build and move into my dream home. Do you have any advice for what I should do?

--Lairepm I. Naton

Dear Lairepm I. Naton,

Mister, you'd best get to digging. You dig yourself a nice big pit. And now you go ahead and build your fancy cottage right in that pit. Do it up right, it's going to last this time. When you're done, just go ahead and bury the whole cottage. Fill it in completely with dirt and rocks; this step is key, so don't skip it! That way it's super safe and secure from all enemies. It will even be safe from you! Your cottage will live safely underground for all eternity, untouched and pure. Anyhoo, invite Mama Maylan over for a drink sometime, and I'll admire your handiwork.

Dear Mamma Maylan,

I have never written to you before but I would really like your advice on a sensitive matter. I've suspected for a long time that I may have a crush on a cardboard cut-out of Naos. I secretly visit his office at night just to admire it and, lately, I am overcome with impure thoughts. What should I do!

Yours, concerned

--RBT

Dear RBT,

Lady, what's the problem here? If a cardboard cut-out Naos man catches your eye, I think you should go ahead and make your move. What you want to do is get all gussied up in your finest dress and put some lipstick on. Bring a bottle of wine and some chocolate with you. And you woo that cardboard Naos man. You woo him good. When you're done, just go to town on the cardboard Naos. You'd be wise to make the best of your encounter, because I reckon cardboard is pretty fragile. The cardboard Naos man will likely not survive your magical night together. But it will be worth it! Anyhoo, don't forget to take pictures. Mama Maylan wants a copy of those.

--Mamma Maylan.

Would you like to appear in Dear Mamma Maylan? Send your questions to gs4page@gmail.com.